


Yes my Thane

by wunderwolfer



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wunderwolfer/pseuds/wunderwolfer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can't really think of a synopsis so I'm just going to keep it nice and simple - this is a Skyrim Lydia x Dragonborn/Dovahklin oneshot. Lots of angst and lots of drama</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes my Thane

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: This has been written without defining the narrator's gender therefore if your mind is that way inclined (as mine certainly is) it could be construed as femslash, so if even a whiff of fem x fem pairings makes your nostrils flare with fiery flarey indignation it's probably best you skip this one and move onto the next Fanfic but if you really don't care about that sort of thing then please read on and let me know what you think. There are also some small spoilers if you haven't met Lydia yet but nothing major or endgame and it has not been Beta'd.
> 
> Disclaimer: everything in this Fanfic belongs to Bethesda

"Yes my thane."

Bristling; that's the best way to describe her words. The way they make you flinch, your shoulders hunch, they way they make you shake with irritation, they make you pause. You keep your eyes forward and keep moving deeper into the cave, her at your back always following, as you try to remember when such innocuous sounding words began to have such an effect.

When the Jarl offered you a Housecarl you accepted out of politeness and expected to be given some battle-weary solider or inadequate warrior they could afford to lose but she seemed to neither. Relationships and befriending people was always a difficult task typically preferring to travel alone but some quests seemed too challenging for your current skills so you soon surprise yourself when you ask her to come with you, secretly keen to use it as an opportunity to find out about her. Your instincts were proved correct as you found a formidable woman skilled in mêlée combat, though a little too eager to rush into battle. Impressed by her strength and fearlessness you're intrigued and that made you wary.

You're unsure why you find your current relationship so frustrating. Perhaps it is your upbringing, in your culture you follow the strong or the wise, you are certainly not wise (otherwise wouldn't even be in this cave in the first place) and she is stronger than you are so your bewildered to why she would take any of your orders. It seems unfair, you consider her your equal if it wasn't for your blood you would be. You don't want her to follow you aimlessly you want...you're not sure what you want,...more of a companion, a comrade to walk beside you not behind you.

You ask aloud whether she always has to walk behind you. She pauses and answers.

"Yes my Thane."

She is testing your patience. You look to the heavens, irritated you flinch and your jaw clenches shut. You think she is mocking you and you spin around searching her face for any sign of ridicule but her face seems sincere, almost blank she's so difficult to read. You cannot understand how a warrior can be so compliant to someone who is her equal or if you are honest with yourself her inferior at least when it comes to battle. That's why those three words annoy you because they confirm how others perceive the dynamics of your relationship; you need her and she has sworn to follow you.

She obeys you without question or comment, outwardly she is diligently fulfilling her oath as your Housecarl but you have spent so much time together and her fierce protective manner must mean something more than her honour and pride.

She raises a questioning eyebrow and you realise you've been stood still and staring while trying to decipher a puzzle. You're not ashamed at being caught you snort derisively and continue to walk deeper into the tombs with her trailing close behind you.

Further into mountain the tombs narrows into a long dark passage that opens into an invitingly larger space. Any fool could see it was a poorly hidden trap that only a Dragonborn with whirlwind sprint could pass, you see a perfect opportunity to test how committed she was to her charade so turning to her you smile and order her to go first. But your smile drops as she nods and moves around you showing every intention of walking straight into the obvious trap.

Muttering a curse and rolling your eyes in exasperation you grab her arm a little harder than required to prevent her from moving. Pulling her back you face her angrily asking her whether she has to do everything you say. She pauses and answers.

"Yes my Thane."

Loudly you curse her stupidity and her stubbornness, you curse the day you entered Whiterun and the day that you even met her. Growling you tell her to wait and release her arm with distain.

You shout.

Entering the tomb your body trembles anticipating the Word Wall nearby it makes your eyes roll back in ecstasy desiring its power you want it, but you've been in enough tombs to know that with every Word wall comes a dead protective Dragonborn and as the Draugr arise you curse as your senses are proved correct.

No time to disable the traps for Lydia you equip your weapon using the few seconds before they reach you to plan a strategy but before you can utter a shout or lift your weapon someone is pushing past you, recklessly rushing into your ambush.

Lydia has disobeyed your orders to protect you and your heart soars. You look on dumbfounded as she gives her battle cry and skilfully begins wielding her axe to cut down your enemies, her strength and fearlessly in battle still amazes you and in your eyes her insubordination is beautiful. Then she turns towards the Death overlord and the reality of the situation crashes down and your heart drops with sudden dread. You see that her swings are not sure and fluid but unsteady and laboured; she is bleeding from her side a wound from the traps she ran though to reach you. she lifts her weapon weakly not knowing who she faces but before you can get to her or call out a warning you watch in horror as he shouts and her body flies backwards, colliding with the wall and falling lifelessly to the ground.

Enraged you roar protectively and run towards her body, standing between her and the overlord you reply with a shout of your own intensified by an emotion you're not ready to name. The remaining Draugr fly away from her smashing onto the ground and you pick up her fallen weapon and make sure they won'tt get up again.

When you turn towards her again she is clutching at her side, doubled over, her head bowed as she tries to stand. Relieved she is alive you rush to her aid, place her weapon on the ground and help her onto her feet leaning her against the wall to rest. Concern makes you brave and you gently lift her chin with your hand (her skin is softer than you imagined) and ask if she is alright.

"Yes my Thane."

You frown as she lies. She rejects your care; removes your hand and pushes herself away from the wall grimacing as she stands upright and to ready for her Thane. Infuriated, wanting any expression except her docility you lean forward, lock eyes with her and with two fingers sharply tap her damaged ribs. She cries out once, breathing heavily through her nose but she doesn't retaliate or move she just stands there as you hurt her like the good Housecarl she is. Her brow furrows and her eyes water narrowing in pain and immediately you feel ashamed and regretful. Apologising you touch her side ashamed as she flinches apprehensively you move your hand to hover above her injury and chant the only spell you know to heal her.

Shocked and horrified by your actions you never thought you would hurt her but your frustration and egotism have distorted and twisted your intentions; you wish for her liberation, for her choices to be her own yet you want to force your desires upon her in your impetuous wish for her to be your partner. You see everything clearly and answer your own question.

"You do it because you are my Housecarl and I am your Thane."

She shifts uneasily as your bottom lip wobbles threatening tears this time, she frowns in confusion and you think you see her answer in her hesitancy. You cannot bear to hear her rejection so before she can utter a sound your moving faster ordering her to travel back to Whiterun, while filling her arms with some provisions and all the potions you have, telling her you don't need her anymore. She just nods slowly stunned by your erratic behaviour.

Shamefaced you turn your back to her and walk away making sure not to look behind you so she doesn't see you broken. This one-sided affection has made you too dangerous for her to be around. You tell yourself its better this way.

Months go by.

You don't return to Breezehome until forced to Whiterun on business but before you do you endure every encountered trial and training to make sure that you will never need her again. Returning late by mistake or design, hoping she's asleep to delay the rehearsed conversation you tip-toe up the stairs. Passing her open door you pause surprised to see the early riser's candles are still lit. Half-hidden by the door your curiously peer into her room and the sight steals your breath.

She is casually lying on her bed reading a book and wearing your old undertunic that you thought had been discarded, a simple enough scenario but you've never seen her without her armour and she looks relaxed and content as she gently hums a song you do not recognise. Her hair is loose without its usual plaits it falls freely around her shoulders and she idly twists the ends with her finger only pausing to turn a page of the book laid in front of her.

You thought her beautiful before but in this half light, at ease and in her element she is truly incredible. Fully absorbed in the book she has taken from your belongings she seems oblivious to your presence, captivated and longing to commit everything to memory you unconsciously move further into the room the floor creaks and you're caught. Astonished eyes meet yours and she's moving quickly, readying herself to stand to attention while bashfully pulling down at the tunic as she straightens her posture.

Suddenly all you want is to stop her and the question you've been dying to ask leaves your lips unfettered. She frowns and you heart drops heavily in your chest. Embarrassed by how desperate you seem you squeeze your eyes shut, you don't want to see her pity or contempt.

The floorboards creak beneath her as she moves they stop in front of you. You're terrified to afraid to look but as moments pass and she doesn't console or berate you your other senses reach out towards her with intrigue.

Your heart beats loudly, beating anticipation it races. Air moves as she slowly leans in, skin tingles, so close she invades and suffocates. Sharpening oil and cedar wood, you breathe her in and she leaves you intoxicated. You reach out to steady yourself and find that your body is braver than you are as its hands clings to her preventing any more distance between you.

Fast breaths and trembling limbs; a demonstration of weakness, you should be ashamed for any other you would be but not for her. For her you want to give everything, you want to show her how vulnerable you can be.

So fragile just one word, the one you've waited for could break you. But her relief is uncharacteristically slow and the possibility that it may be deliberate, teasing, fills your head with such dizzying potential you couldn't open your eyes even if you wanted too.

Finally she whispers those three words you've longed to hear and you're gasping, shattering, falling.

Her breath is warm and wet against your ear so you know you're not dreaming.

"No...my Thane."

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is a little experiment in second person narrative, not sure I've pulled off this style but then you'll be the judge of that.
> 
> It was inspired by being frustrated at the limited dialogue with my companions, I know there's only so much they can fit into it but it was still a little irritating at times.
> 
> Thanks for reading all the way to the end...


End file.
